May: A Month In Review

May: A Month In Review

Hello, Interwebs! Today I will be continuing with my usual review of the months as they pass by.

Today, I’d like to focus on this idea of ” becoming oneself”. This meaning, to become the person you are meant to be. I’d like to think that this last month I have done more self-growth and self-exploration than I have in a long time. As I am going to college soon, I looked back on my high school experience and looked at all of the things I learned, all of the things I want to continue doing, and all of the things I want to leave behind.

For many people, this is what you’re experiencing right now. This sort of ” beginning of life existential crisis”. Therefore, I want to offer you some of the things that I have learned. The first of those lessons being ” all in due time”. I grew up sincerely thinking that I would never go to college. ( and I spoke about this in depth in another article so go and read that one). ” All in due time” means that you will come upon what you are meant to do or where you are meant to go if you are meant to go or do those things. Leave things up for the future and enjoy today ( of course that doesn’t mean you should do any planning. always plan)  The second thing that I’ve learned is that, above all else, be true to yourself. Many people today think that they need to be this person that they have envisioned as being a better version of themselves, I was one of those people. I used to think that I needed to act a certain way and refrain from being my true self for people to like me.

Now I know people always say ” be yourself and everything will be okay”, that isn’t what I’m telling you. Being yourself won’t be easy, isn’t the path to popularity and won’t get you Instagram followers; but it’s the truth. When you are your true and authentic self the people in your life that you don’t need are weeded out and you find yourself surrounded by people who genuinely like you for you who are, not who you pretend to be.

In the end, May is all about endings become beginnings. We are in this cycle of life whereas one door closes another opens. At the close of this article, I will leave you with this quote

” Without Darkness, there is no Light. For Life is the beautiful lie and Death is the ugly truth”

 

High School and Anxiety: What I’ve Learned To Not Just Deal With It

High School and Anxiety: What I’ve Learned To Not Just Deal With It

Hello interwebs! Today I will be talking about a topic that is near and dear to my heart and I think it’s something that many other people will relate to as well.

Anxiety and other mood disorders affect five out of ten people in the United States. That’s a lot of people who might be struggling with the same issues, with little to nothing spoken about it and what it’s actually like. Today, I will be talking a little bit about my own journey with mental illness and some things I have found that have helped me continue to grow throughout high school.

Anxiety is a difficult beast to deal with. On certain days it feels like the world could end at any moment and other days it feels what I can only describe as depression. It is different for everyone and some people, like myself, have become very good at hiding symptoms because of the stigma of being seen as someone with a mental illness. In the last year, I have become very ” in touch” with my anxiety and have decided that in order to free others like me of their fear of rejection, I should open up and be proud to ” show my battle scars” as it were. Anxiety also has its own stigma, due to the fact that most I’ve talked to consider a normal part of life. I think the hard thing for people ( who aren’t closely involved in their own mental Illness or know the struggles of others) to understand is that we aren’t talking about normal, everyday, stress. This is something that is debilitating for most and is something that can often take the normal out of their lives.

On a more happy note I would like to share a few, somewhat philosophical ways of looking and treating anxiety that was helpful to me, and hopefully will be helpful to some of you out there. For starters, knowing as much as you can about Anxiety and any other related mood disorders is extremely helpful. I think better understanding what is happening to you on a neural level is pretty validating. It reminds you that what you are struggling with is real and that there are thousands of people that struggle with the same things, and to me, that was extremely comforting. Second, I found that having at least one person you can trust is crucial. Unfortunately, too often people with mental illnesses are surrounded by people who don’t and refuse to try to understand what they are going through. I had this struggle and so I sought out to find at least one person who wanted to understand what I am going through and that person, fortunately, was my boyfriend. Having that support has been crucial for me as I am just starting to figure out the ins and outs of what it means to me and what I can do to combat the symptoms.

Finally, as cheesy as this may seem I’ve found meditation to be extremely helpful. Trust me, it isn’t some ” let’s sit by the fire and sing Kumbaya. It’s basically me sitting on my bed with my eyes closed listening to medieval fantasy radio on Pandora. Focusing on breathing and then thinking about the things that make me anxious and thinking about their rational/irrational qualities. Generally speaking, I will always be an advocate for introspection, especially when it is a battle of you vs your mind.

Personally, my own battle with anxiety has been a long and winding road. I’ve been struggling with it for as long as I can remember but never understood what I was feeling. Middle school, in particular, was rough for me because ( for those that know generalized anxiety) you are constantly anxious about everything and filled with self-doubt and self-depreciating thoughts. Mix that in with middle school and you can’t help but have a bad time. In more recent history, like I mentioned earlier, I have learned a lot about what it means to have generalized anxiety and how I can find ways to combat symptoms without simply denying that they exist. I share this with whoever is reading, because I want people to become more aware about mental illness, and that just because you have a mental illness doesn’t mean you are any less capable for sucess, happiness, and a fullness of life that normal people seem to think they have the only key to. Though trust me when I say, It’s more fun to be weird.

Sorry for the super long post, but I really wanted to get a message like this on the blog. I think it is extremely important to continue talking about mental illness and to help people understand that not all mental illness is depression or schizophrenia. I hope that some of you can be helped by this and always feel free to email me if you need someone in your life to support you.

Like someone, I loved told me once long ago, ” If no one else in this world needs you I do”.

 

 

 

For inspiration I shall leave you with this rather wonderful message from my boyfriend; ” I’m not going to pretend I can change or repair things that have happened to you in your past with mere words. But I can present you with some of my seventeen-year-old wisdom. Things that happened to us in our past, like the things you just shared with me, while they may be unfortunate or demeaning or painful to remember, they are, as you said, a part of who we are. Considering all that you said has happened to you, you could have turned out to be a depressed, sad, shut in. But here you are, a sweet fun understanding, pretty and intelligent young woman who managed to make her way into my life of all things. So I think that is worth quite a lot.

 

 

Bullet Journaling: My first time and first impressions

Bullet Journaling: My first time and first impressions

Hello interwebs! Today I will be talking about my new introduction into bullet journaling and my first impressions of this widely popular way of planning. Now I’ve only been doing this for a few weeks now, so I’m going to do an updated impressions post as I continue to use this method.

For those of you that don’t know, bullet journaling is a type of planning in which you use a notebook with an index and page numbers in order to make a planner that is specifically catered to your style and needs. Usually, a bullet journal consists of a mix of planning and serious topics as well as journaling type pages. There is a whole website made by the creator of the Bullet Journal and I suggest taking a look at that website if you are seriously interested.

For me personally, I wanted to have a system where I could easily plan all of my school events but not have to keep spending money on stickers in order to make spreads look visually appealing. I also wanted something in which I could track more personal things and keep a look at my own mental health as the months go by. I was drawn to the bullet journal because of its customizability. Fully endless layouts and possibilities to fit my needs and wants, which is pretty darn cool.

That brings us to my bullet journal. While up in Seattle, I stopped at my favorite stationery store Kinokuya and got all of the needed supplies. I decided on a bright blue Leuchtturm 1917, with dotted paper, a Pilot Opt. 0.5 pencil, and some of the Mildliner highlighters ( which seemed like a must according to the bullet journal community). I first started in it at the airport on the way home and I’ve kept up with it since.

As for my first impressions, I am really loving it. It allows me to be really creative with spreads and have everything that I need there and accounted for. Now that I have my spread almost down pat It’s been really fun to sit down there and think of themes and what not to put in there. As for the notebook itself, I love the dotted paper and the notebook is so cute I can’t help but love to write in it. I would also totally recommend the Mildliners because they totally help add color to spreads without seeping through the paper.

Well, that just about does it. Please let me know if you want to see pictures of my spreads and if you want to see more things about bullet journaling in the future.

Happy spring everyone!

Lia

 

College Update: Where I’m actually going

College Update: Where I’m actually going

Hello Interwebs! It seems that you guys really liked the sort of informal type blog post so I thought I’d make another one. Recently, I posted about my college acceptances and how I was going to commit to ASU. However, not even a week after that I got some pretty earth shattering news that (thankfully) changed where I could go to college.

I visited Arizona State for their “Admitted students day” earlier this month and loved the campus. It was huge, modern buildings mixed in with some old brick ones, and it was surrounded by lots and lots of things to do. On the downside, It was 91 outside and my pale skin was taking a beating. My dorms were a 3o minute walk ( with many stops for directions) from where I would be taking a majority of my classes. After taking the tour, walking the campus, and meeting some of the people I could potentially be taking classes with; I realized that I was almost depressed to have that school as my only option. I loved the campus and it seemed really nice but the people and the atmosphere weren’t anything near what I was looking for.

For those of you that don’t know, ASU is a known “Party School” and the students really show it. Just scrolling through the Class of 2021 facebook page, it was hard for me to find anyone that I had even a sliver of anything in common with. On the way home from Arizona I became more and more depressed. Was this the place I would have to go? Would I hate it so much that I would want to come home after the first semester?  I really didn’t want to do it but at that point, it seemed it was my only option.

A few days after I got home I got the incredible news that I got accepted into my first pick, The University of Puget Sound, in Tacoma, Washington. As you can imagine, I cried. A few minutes later I found out that I got a 14,000 dollar scholarship, in which more tears ensued. Of course the next day I accepted. I immediately looked at the facebook page and almost everyone on the page was someone I could easily be friends with. Nerds, gamers, artists, and writers; my people. I was so put at ease knowing that I was blessed enough to be able to go a school I could put my heart into.

So my message to you, one, don’t be discouraged if you feel you are out of options. Maybe something awesome will come through. Two, you will be placed where you are meant to be and regardless make the most of it.

Sorry about the long post but I hope it was interesting. Now that school is slowing down a little, expect more blog posts!

Stay Happy

Lia