College Life: Getting used to being yourself

Hello interwebs! I haven’t done a post where I’m just casually talking about things for a while so I thought I’d bring that back today. I wanted to talk about something that has been on my mind lately as I am settling into the routine of college, becoming comfortable with being yourself.

 

For some people, this might have always been easy. For others, it takes us a while to fully be comfortable with showing people who we really are. Whether it is because of insecurities or lack of trust it all comes back to not wanting to share your actual self with the world. I always thought of this as putting on different masks. I’ve grown up being a people pleaser, as most people ( I think) who have had issues with this. We want to please everyone around us so depending on our situations we act and dress in different ways in order to please those people. On top of that, the people who have mental illnesses also create another mask in order to hide symptoms or to seem normal.

All through high school, I wore masks, and I became very good at hiding them. I had a mask for my friends, a mask for my family ( who didn’t yet know of my anxiety issues), a mask for people who didn’t know me, a mask for my teachers and fellow classmates. Every day I would flip through these different personas that I had created in order to somewhat please everyone around me. Toward the end of my senior year, and after I was dating Ian for quite some time, I had become tired of pleasing everyone. I had become tired of faking who I actually was so that my extremely fake friends would kinda tolerate my existence. So I stopped. I stopped pretending to be someone I wasn’t. I started calling people out for not treating me right ( as a friend) and demanded that I had people around me who gave me the same time of day as I did them.

That summer, I felt like I gained a sort of independence. Not so much a physical one, that being a free to be the person I wanted to be, but a mental independence; where I gained the courage and audacity to live life as my genuine self, regardless of who liked me or not.  That is when I left for college. Of course, leaving for college was a nerve wracking experience ( as I have previously mentioned) and that dwindled my new found confidence. However, as I have also mentioned, my campus is a place where people from many different backgrounds reside, leaving a hodgepodge of different interests and fashion styles. Getting to the whole point of why I am writing this, college is a time where you are supposed to be yourself or for that matter, try to figure out who that person is supposed to be. In finding that person, you gain a comfort of being in your own skin which for someone who hasn’t ever had that feeling, it’s utterly exhilarating.

For those people out there who are still struggling with this ( trust me I still am battling with my own self-image every day), I offer some advice. The best thing I can tell you is to fundamentally look at who you are, what you believe in, what you want to become, and who you want to be like. This allows you to figure out who you are as a person as well as looking into some of the things that you want to emulate in your daily life. The next thing I suggest is to stop caring. I mean this in the most genuine and nice way. If you stop caring what other people think about you ( which in college they really don’t care) you start living not for other people, but for yourself. You build a reputation off of the person that you’d want to be friends with and when you are truly yourself like that, the right kinds of people will flock to you.

Of course, there will be bad days, I still question my boyfriend all the time about what he thinks of me. I think it’s almost normal to question the relationships around us. Not because we will know they secretly hate us, rather, because we wish that they will tell us how much they need us. Everyone deserves to be needed, and if you aren’t needed right now, someone will come along who needs you like they need oxygen to breathe. And that will change everything.

Best of luck to everyone out there. Stay kind, stay truthful, stay humble, stay you.

Love and best wishes,

Lia

” You have been worth every letter typed on my keyboard, every breath I take for words. You are the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think of before I fall asleep. You are worth more to me than you will ever understand”

 

 

 

 

 

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1 Week Away: Thoughts and Tips about going away to College

Hello interwebs! Today I am going to be continuing with my little series about heading off to college. Since I am leaving in about a week, I thought I would make a post updating you on my thoughts and feelings as I get so close to my final days at home.

 

Like I’ve said from the beginning, college has always been somewhat of an anxiety inducing topic. As an only child who’s never been away from home for long, this is an entirely new experience. However, as I get closer to actually leaving, there is this odd sense of calm. I think it has to do with how insanely prepared I am and my level of anxiety induced OCD. I’ve gotten all of my stuff, I am almost already packed, bought all of my school supplies and not to mention I’m going to the school of my dreams. ( it’s also a nice bonus that I got a super sweet room and an awesome roommate). With the calm and the happiness also comes with an overwhelming sense of melancholy. I am also leaving my family, my hometown, my best friend and my boyfriend as I leave off toward the unknown.

Leaving also feels like some wonderful, great adventure. I’m leaving to become more of my own person and experience people and things that will ultimately impact my life greater than anything in High School. It will make me a stronger person and hopefully, more self-assured. I think college is the ultimate time to figure out who you are and what you believe in. You aren’t surrounded by parental pressures to be one way or the other, which allows you to really delve into who you are on a very intimate level. You also have your future to dream about. What makes you happy? What could you see yourself working on/for, for quite some time? All of these things, with some good introspection and hard work, will come to you eventually.

This is also the time in which we can learn to be individual adults. The first thing I would like to mention is that you really need to take care of yourself. I know you will hear something similar from your parents, but it is important to take care of your health and well-being; both mental and physical. Mental health is really important to your overall health and happiness and like I’ve said a thousand times before, if you need help please do not feel ashamed to get it. You also have to take care of your physical health as well. Staying up all night on Redbull and Doritos won’t help your skin or your brain ( among many other things). This also doesn’t mean starving yourself because you don’t want to gain the freshman 15. Everything of course in moderation and with some light exercise you should be totally happy and healthy.

That leads me to my last point if you aren’t happy, leave. No one wants you to be unhappy and if a college or room mate or whatever is making you unhappy, miserable or depressed; maybe it just isn’t for you. I also want to stress that this is OKAY. Going to a 4 year, big wig, university isn’t for everyone. Of course, I am a large advocate of higher education but if a big private university isn’t for you there are many other options available.

Overall, I am excited for what’s to come and I wish everyone great sucess in college!

Love and hugs,

Lia

May: A Month In Review

Hello, Interwebs! Today I will be continuing with my usual review of the months as they pass by.

Today, I’d like to focus on this idea of ” becoming oneself”. This meaning, to become the person you are meant to be. I’d like to think that this last month I have done more self-growth and self-exploration than I have in a long time. As I am going to college soon, I looked back on my high school experience and looked at all of the things I learned, all of the things I want to continue doing, and all of the things I want to leave behind.

For many people, this is what you’re experiencing right now. This sort of ” beginning of life existential crisis”. Therefore, I want to offer you some of the things that I have learned. The first of those lessons being ” all in due time”. I grew up sincerely thinking that I would never go to college. ( and I spoke about this in depth in another article so go and read that one). ” All in due time” means that you will come upon what you are meant to do or where you are meant to go if you are meant to go or do those things. Leave things up for the future and enjoy today ( of course that doesn’t mean you should do any planning. always plan)  The second thing that I’ve learned is that, above all else, be true to yourself. Many people today think that they need to be this person that they have envisioned as being a better version of themselves, I was one of those people. I used to think that I needed to act a certain way and refrain from being my true self for people to like me.

Now I know people always say ” be yourself and everything will be okay”, that isn’t what I’m telling you. Being yourself won’t be easy, isn’t the path to popularity and won’t get you Instagram followers; but it’s the truth. When you are your true and authentic self the people in your life that you don’t need are weeded out and you find yourself surrounded by people who genuinely like you for you who are, not who you pretend to be.

In the end, May is all about endings become beginnings. We are in this cycle of life whereas one door closes another opens. At the close of this article, I will leave you with this quote

” Without Darkness, there is no Light. For Life is the beautiful lie and Death is the ugly truth”